Went over to Ah Girl's house 2 day, we were happily playing a monkey brain toggle game when her mom, my God mother came home with bread for us all; she suddenly asked me to go into her room and gave me the talk [ I shall not say more ] ... well, I told her everything about what my family has done to me and she told me that she's more or less suffered the same thing that I'm going through now , and our families are more or less the same. I'm not surprised myself for I come from a pretty much dysfunctional family whom doesn't bother talking to each other, especially between my dad and my elder brother. [ We both grew up in a seriously abusive family, as in, physically abused by either of our parents when we were young, they instilled fear in us, and verbally abused by our father; they're always taking WORK as an excuse to beat us up or scold us.] I feel that I'm a mistake, I shouldn't even had been born! The reason why I turned to God is because of all these shit that I had been through since young. [ I once turned to the Devil but he didn't helped much..; as a child, I was filled with much hatred towards my abusive parents .. whom always uses money to " pay " back to me 4 their abusiveness and busyness with work.]

Remember the letter Ryan gave to me? Well if you're reading this, my dad found it inside one of my pockets when I brought my pants for washing. Little did I knew he would call up the poor boy's school and made troubles [ well my dad or shall I say , the crazy old man always create more problems then I myself can handle and I always face the music, not him, once he even made my classmates turned their backs against me, because he, whom went to my school one day to find me, barged into my classroom and saw us all playing or rather gambling on poker cards, u should know the rest of the story.. ] History repeats itself, a logger headed person would never change his/ her character.

Once again, I had to clear what ever shit my dad's left on the ground; me and God ma Lin cleared all misunderstandings of course. Its not that I,as my father's child do not have respect for him, its more like he doesn't deserve the respect from me, as HE DOES NOT RESPECT MY PRIVACY!! furthermore, DOES THINGS BEHIND MY BACK WITHOUT INFORMING ME OR QUESTIONING ME! WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT? TO SEE MY FAMILY BREAK APART?! [ I just can't understand WHY THE FUCK DOES MY MOTHER HAS TO PUT UP WITH HIS NONSENSE!!!?] of course end of the day, both me and my brother will side with our mom. [ I came home and questioned my dad of course, but it hurts me much to see him denying it. And even dared bring up other subjects which is not related to it and end up blaming me for his mistakes! ]

They're damn lucky I have brains to think, at this rate, my other friends would've seek drugs or even hang out with the wrong group of people outside instead of heading home straight, what's holding me is my other family, Ah Girl, her bro, and my God mother, my mom and my own brother. [ I do not wish to always return home to face my father, to face quarrels at home, to face God knows what will come next.. Fights? more fights and craziness? God forgive me. ]